What Am I Thinking About ?

Let’s say, I have a nearly perfect life.

I have families that will always accept me.

I have friends who care for me and always support me.

I have a special person who loves, cares, and is always there for me.

Yes, that’s perfect !

Is it true ?

Is my life that perfect ?

If it is so, why I feel so lonely at night ?

May be because I’m selfish !

I only think of my self and that makes them slowly fade away from my life.

Then why do I let it happen ?

Why do I just be quiet when they walk away ?

My selfishness will never let that happen. My selfishness will push me to keep them stay beside me no matter what they feel when they stay beside me.

Some people say, it’s not selfishness, but stupidity.

Some people say, it’s another form of selfishness.

Well, I haven’t find the answer yet :p

These last two nights, I don’t know why I can’t sleep. One thing that is alike between these two nights is tears.

The tears keeps falling down, take all of the energy left and make me finally fall asleep without noticing it.

I don’t know who I should talk with about this, about my feeling.

I don’t even know where my friends are.

I can’t share it. Too afraid to do it..

Luckily, I have Jesus, my dearest God and friend who will never leave me.

I tell Him everything, even with tears falling down.

He is not judging me.

He listens to me.

He strengthens me.

He comforts me.

Somehow, I have strength again to stand again, face the reality.

He heals me… Slowly but sure.

*********************************************************************************

Dear my families,

Dear my friends,

Dear my special someone,

I’m so sorry if there is any of you I have ever hurt.

I really don’t mean it.

May be some of you hate me.

It’s okay.

I will always remember about you, as the best thing that have ever happen in my life.

I never regret the time I met you and spent with you.

You will always be here, in my heart, with me.

No one will replace your place J

I will lock my heart and let the place that you have ever been inside remains the same.

That’s the way to make me keep remember about you~

Also, I will always wish all of you happy in the rest of your life, even without me ^^

With bunch of sorry and thanks,

     Your family,

     Your friend